I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
