hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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