so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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