I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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