The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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