I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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