Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
