where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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