I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it's like iHOP with fire
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
