my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
