I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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