why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
