one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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