I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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