If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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