Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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