I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Help. Why am I so naked?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
