I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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