you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
