My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
