Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
