So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
