CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize