I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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