It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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