so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
