All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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