so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
