Well douche your snatch and let's go!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
