If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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