things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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