My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She bit a glass in half.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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