I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize