Kiss
Puke
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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