roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
