Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
