If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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