Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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