In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I pour the whiskey from now on
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
