At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
