I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
