every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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