Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
