Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
