I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
