i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
