dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize