If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
