I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
