No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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