Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
