No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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