At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize