O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
