I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
