There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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