Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
