Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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