idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
