You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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