I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
