I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
