I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
