So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
