Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
