He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
