I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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