My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
