I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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