I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
