Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
