fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
