1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
