just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
