No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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