i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
