He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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