at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
