No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
