uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
