Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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