Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i would punch a child for taco bell
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i need some magic done to my vagina
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
