Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
