Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
