I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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