What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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