Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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