...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
