Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
