at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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