Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize