I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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