Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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